God Created Him to be Exactly Who He Needed to Be.

 I sat on the cold concrete retaining wall and watched the preschool children play on the play ground. We just had our end of the semester party. It was December and though it was chilly, the weather was still good enough that we could meet outside. I had my new born baby snugged up to me in his carrier. I sat by a few friends and my child's teacher. It was one of our first outings. It had been a long year for me and it was one of the first times I sat down and could enjoy the park with my children in the last year. Yes we visited the park very frequently but this time, even though I was sleep deprived and healing form delivery, I felt more human than I had in ten months.  

My boys teacher was a great mentor and example to me. I had asked her several question about homeschooling and watched as she loved and taught my boy.  She played such and important role in our home the over the last year and a half. We continued to talk about our children's needs and experiences in education both good and bad.

My boys teacher then turned to me and said, "Please don't put him on any medication! He's so bright. He doesn't need to be able to sit in a desk to be smart. God made him just the way he needs to be. He's been so good for my heart."

I fought back tears as she said this. And I felt the truth of it in my heart. GOD CREATED HIM JUST THE WAY HE NEEDS TO BE.

I was not surprised by her comment. Several well meaning people had given me advice. That advice ranged from, "He's just a normal boy!" to, "Don't medicate him, he'll do better with out it." to "I can help you get into early intervention programs.", "Let me introduce you to a behavioral therapist.", "Well, every child deserves to feel normal and medication can help with that."

The topic of what my child needed, or what he had was often on my mind. Up to this point he was happy, healthy, and successful. What we were currently doing-which is an extensive topic for another day-was working well. So I was not actively perusing more interventions.

My research over the last year, with much credit given to my latest hyperemesis gravidarum (HG) pregnancy-in simple terms nausea and vomiting in pregnancy rivals nausea  and vomiting related chemotherapy treatment. The HER foundation has become an incredible resource to women suffering with HG. At the time I was pregnant with my first boy I had stumbled upon them in my endless and unfruitful research, but five years later their research was now impressive and most helpful.

Here's  what had been on my mind as we looked at furthering my preschoolers education and being newly post partum after a HG pregnancy especially with all these comments about his behavior. (click the picture for more info on HG from the HER foundation.)

My oldest boy was my first experience with HG.  During my pregnancy with him it was not common for me to drink a half a glass of juice and eat a few crackers during they day-yest that was all. I was told, "Your body will take care and protect the baby. Don't worry, it's just morning sickness, it will pass." It never passed. I didn't know how to advocate for myself. I just went on unfounded faith that my body would take care of the baby and we would be fine. 

It was not all fine. But God is good and we both are alive and well today thanks to His blessings.

In addition to my condition I was taking more medications in efforts of survival during his pregnancy than I ever had in my life. I had dove into the research on this and the medication does not have complete research during pregnancy but does have known side effects. 

Like I said, the thought that often crept in the back of my mine-for that's where I made it stay-whispered what if. What if I had been a better advocate for myself? What if I didn't needs meds? What if I wasn't dehydrated 90% of my pregnancy? 

But also...

God could have taken my HG away. He could have given me a healthy pregnancy. He could have made it so I didn't need medication during my pregnancy. But he didn't.

He could have protected my son in the womb. He could have made sure he developed just perfectly. He could have made it so he didn't struggle during pregnancy or labor or birth. He could have blessed him with a "normal" brain, the kind that fits the mold we think kids need to fit into. But he didn't.

Why?

BECAUSE GOD MADE HIM JUST THE WAY HE NEEDED HIM TO BE.

A good mother is always learning and growing as a mother. I'm sure as we enter grandparenthood, there will be several things we wish we could have changed. We are learning and growing and becoming better as God guides us, teaches us, and carry's us through our experiences. Two things can be true. I can hold my younger self in my first pregnancy with grace and love for doing the best I could. I did my best and God is in control. But also, God's blessed me with new research to be read, new protocols to follow. I've also learned to advocate for my wellness and my babies wellness, and do things completely differently. My third pregnancy looked vastly different than my first though it was my hardest yet. It's God's will that we do better. It's Gods will that we give ourselves grace because we are growing and learning. These two things are true.

Here's my message for any mommas feeling shame surrounding pregnancy or their child's needs.

Life is meant to try us and prove us . Our experiences good or bad are to lead us to God. I'm not going to pretend to know Gods will. But I have faith that in Gods wisdom, nothing you did or didn't do in your pregnancy hindered or changed His will. PERIOD. Gods will can not be disrupted or prevented by mother doing the best she can. Gods will is only facilitated by a mother doing the best she can. There is no medication, no condition, no complication that can hinder the will of God in the creation of His children.

But maybe tell yourself what I've told myself over and over again.

God knew you would be the best mother for your babies. You are the perfect person to care for their needs no matter how special those needs maybe. He will strengthen, guide, inspire, and comfort you during difficult times and good times. None of us are spared hardship and weakness in this life. God will prove us and our children. His hand will guide us and our children. He will uphold us and our children every step of the way. 

Take confidence in your divine calling and your divine nature.

If you would like to hear more about what we do for our little boy comment below.